blurp

oh hey there. okay so here is the deal, blog. since it has recently become clear to me that i am really the only person who reads you, things are just going to change. from now on, i am not only going to post when i feel i have blog-worthy material (ha i know) but anyway, from now on im just going to vent/write whatever has been on my mind. so, sorry if it sucks even more from here on out, but this is an attempt to recommit to the blogosphere. actually truth be told throughout highschool i was one of those live journal emo kids and wrote on it like EVERY night until my brother read it, told my dad i did drugs, and i single handedly erased every entry i had ever written in an overly emotional fit of betrayal.

i wish i had kept them.

okay, so: i want to movvve and shake. maybe it isnt even getting out, its just finding something that will give me a fill for a while. i just feel like im in a rut and i hate feeling crappy. but WAIT im not going there ANY MORE. im not a crappy person im a light and happy fun and funny (debatable) person. but right now every single day i close my eyes and wish i was somewhere else, and i understand this isnt really healthy but it can be more healthy if i do something healthy to feel better about it. so NO MORE feelin crappy. the light is at the end of the tunnel and im gonna move on and get out and all will be betta soon. i ain gonna dwell on my crappiness any more. that is obviously getting me nofuckingwhere emotionally and literally and whatever. im just writing this so i can commit to it. i know that happiness is a mindset. and i am making the conscious effort every day to appreciate the wonderful life i have....im just sayin. for me right now i know it does exist in places. or discovering them. and i will. alone or not.

for today...daydreaming in vernazza, italia. town along the west coast of italy, and a place my mind wanders to as this cold air lingerssssss